Brainchild of A Conservative Anomaly

The Irony of the Tyranny...

2009-03-05T10:39:00.000-08:00

Wouldn’t it be ironic if our nation fell under the same weight and tyranny, which gave it birth?

When the Sons of Liberty and every day colonial citizens were dumping tea in Boston Harbor, meeting in taverns to discuss the atrocities of the Stamp Act and subsequent Intolerable Acts, and boycotting British goods—they were fighting against excessive Government intrusion in their lives. Now it seems, a large percentage of American citizens are not only willing to acquiesce but are asking for more.

In an effort to restock it’s coffers following the costly French and Indian War, Britain began initiating a series of taxes on it’s citizens living in the Colonies, leaving them little recourse, as they lacked direct representation in Parliament. What followed gave birth not only to our nation, but the fighting, entrepreneurial spirit that is uniquely America.

Our Congress and our President, are currently engaged in an unprecedented campaign to restock the government coffers in order to fight their own ongoing war—the War on Achievement, and if that weren’t enough, they are not only declaring war on the successful, but also asking them to pay for it.

This War on Achievement has been an incremental war, as inch by inch our leaders grab more and more autonomy from individuals and businesses seeking to grow and prosper—which in turn produces national growth and prosperity. This war, not so cleverly disguised as a ‘war on poverty’, is waged by Liberal soldiers and media sycophants who say they are instruments of compassion when in truth they are perpetrators of modern day slavery. For over forty years, liberals have mislead those they represent into believing that they have their best interest at heart when all they have really managed to do is create victims, destroy families, and undermine the human spirit that once made our country great.

How odd it is that the liberal elite in this country jump on the band wagon of “self-esteem” at any cost, yet that very group of people has no problem with the government telling people that they can’t succeed or rise above their circumstance without its help. The truth is that if one person can rise to success from adversity—poverty, abuse, illness--then anyone can.

Remember when you learned to ride your bike without the training wheels? Remember the exhilaration when you realized that you were moving forward and staying afloat by your own power? That’s the exhilaration that Liberals seek to kill. It is the same exhilaration felt by the pioneers as they hacked their lives out of the wilderness, by immigrants to our country who scrimped and saved for a better future, by high school athletes who get up early every morning and practice—not just hoping for a way out but working hard to get there.

The government never did that for anyone and it never will.

I have lived in plenty and in want, but never have I felt so empowered as when I worked 70 unglamorous hours per week managing a restaurant—coming home each night to my small, barely furnished rented house, exhausted. Going to the bank every Friday with that paycheck in hand, gave me a feeling of overwhelming satisfaction and motivated me to work harder, do better, and reach higher.

That’s why welfare as a way of life is a crime against the human spirit. Those who seek to keep people dependent on the government do it not out of magnanimity, but out of selfishness.

Conservatives understand that occasionally people need a helping hand and are not unwilling to lend it; but they, like our Founding Fathers, also understand that when Government is the sole hand that feeds you, it is also the one holding you under the water while you drown.

The Only THing we Have to fear: Part Two

2007-03-13T08:08:00.000-07:00

I’m not sure what grade I was in when I first heard of the imminent threat of over-population; but, I remember that I spent a great deal of time worrying about the fact that in a very short time there would be no place for people to live and we were all going to starve to death. Then we drove to the Canadian wilderness and it struck me—what are they talking about?

Global warming is just the latest in a series of prophecies and predictions on the demise of the planet earth.

Before the over-population scare they had children hiding under desks to save them from nuclear holocaust—like that was going to help. There was the 1975 threat of Global cooling (http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/cooling1.pdf), the danger of acid rain where our rivers and streams would all be poison and our hair would fall out from eating fish, the 1997 Doomsday Asteroid scare and of course, the ever popular warning of impending nuclear winter.
There were the shark scares, when the truth of the matter was that 15x more swimmers were killed each year by falling coconuts than by sharks, there was Ebola—the virus that would eat your flesh, the electrical wires and cancer scare, the cell phone and cancer scare, and the grilled meat and cancer scare.

And don’t forget the KILLER BEES which sent children and adults alike screaming into the house at the sight of a sweat bee.

In the late 80s came the Asbestos scare where despite the fact that in most schools asbestos levels were extremely low (less than the amount that in 10 years of exposure might cause one additional death in 100,000 over a lifetime -- one-third the risk of being struck by lightning), by 1990 some $6 billion had been spent on asbestos abatement in schools. Many experts believe that asbestos removal, which increased airborne asbestos, created a far greater hazard to the children, who might have benefited far more had this money been spent on enhancing their education. (NY Times).

And finally, let’s not forget about the deadly SARS outbreak which had in April of 2003 claimed a total of 100 deaths WORLDWIDE. Yet, here are just a few of the headlines from that time:
SARS claims 116 as lethal virus spreads
How a killer was unmasked
Gloom is contagious
China raises SARS death toll to 55
Killer virus here to stay, say experts
Beijing urged to come clean on extent of infection
Australia's only SARS case 'false alarm'
Cockroaches linked to virus outbreak
SARS fear in US Chinatown neighbourhoods
Disease hunters like rock stars in China
World Bank chief warns of SARS fallout
Virus kills doctor

Even if all of these dire predictions had a grain of truth to them, why do politicians and the media—the great protectors of children-- feel it necessary to make them prisoners to fear? As parents, we try and protect children from losing their innocence too quickly. There are certain things we don’t share with them; our worry that dad might lose his job or the fact that the checking account is nearly empty . Yet, we allow the schools to frighten them unnecessarily with visions of starvation, poison rivers, floods and dying animals. Children cannot affect change so the only thing left for them to do is to become fearful and anxious

The headline of my 3rd grade nephew’s Weekly Reader was: “Unhappy Feet: Over-fishing and melting ice spell trouble for penguins”. The article went on to say that global warming is caused by driving cars and using electricity. Translated to a 3rd grader: every time mommy drives me to school or I watch television, somewhere in the world a penguin is dying.

So just what is the purpose behind bombarding them with these images and scenarios of destruction?

It is obvious why the media has a stake in the concept of a fearful public. It keeps viewers coming back and it keeps their industry viable. For instance, the Center for Media and public Affairs reported that during the 1990s the homicide rate in the U.S. dropped 50 percent, yet homicide news coverage increased by an incredible 700 percent. Stories involving murder, shark attack, road rage, and carjacking are cited as examples of reporting that was skewed by the overuse of frightening headlines and images, incomplete research, and the tacit rule "If it bleeds, it leads."

It is equally as obvious why politicians continue to indoctrinate with fear.

There is power in causing someone to be fearful. It puts people at the mercy of someone who has the apparent power to prevent this terrible thing from happening. It is how for hundreds of years people in power have lorded it over others. The church kept people under control using the fear of eternal damnation while communism utilized the fear of retribution and death.

By painting the picture that regardless of the problem-- the answer is Government--Liberals have a captive audience. Ultimately, fear is just another way to hold people captive. Self-sufficiency renders the notion of Liberalism irrelevant and by indoctrinating our children with the belief that they cannot survive without the help and influence of government they have an entire generation of potential voters.

Even people who believe in the concept of man-made global warming agree that man is only responsible for a small percentage of the earth’s greenhouse gas. These percentages are dwarfed by natural causes over which we have no control. Yet we show Al Gore’s movie in our schools—present it as fact-- and a new generation of children are captive to the fear of something over which they are powerless-- as if they don’t have enough to worry about.

You’d better recycle that bottle little Jimmy—or you, mommy, daddy and the polar bears are going to be incinerated by the sun. That is not just irresponsible it’s criminal.

The Only thing we have to fear: Part One

2006-10-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

I’ve begun to believe that the gears that keep American society turning are powered by unnecessary and often exaggerated fear. I blame this on two things: the media and our own inability to tolerate set-backs.

I think that the media has managed to virtually cripple our society by concentrating on the negative and creating the impression that it is somehow possible for the world to be a fair place. It has created a nation of victims.

There have always been natural disasters, fatal illnesses, economic uncertainties, murder and mayhem. What has changed is the media has gone from reporting the story to trying to make the story.

Prior to radio, television and the internet, news traveled slowly. Tornadoes came and went, women died from childbirth, the family farm went into foreclosure. People expected that life was uncertain and they dealt with it. They made decisions on how to move forward, picked themselves up, brushed themselves off and did the best they could. Now, the story is not over until there is someone to blame…or better yet, someone to sue.

That’s why our kids can’t play on the playground at recess, obstetricians are opting out because they can’t guarantee a healthy baby, and McDonald’s serves lukewarm coffee. Our society cannot function without people warning us of every possible pitfall…and if there is not something to be frightened of at the moment… they’ll dig until they find it.

Take Global Warming for instance. Is it true that the ozone layer is being deteriorated and in a half million years we’re all going to burn up? Perhaps, but, did it ever occur to you that it happened after the Ice Age and not a lot of people were using Aqua Net?

There is not always a cause, a culprit or a cure.

The constant barrage of news has taught us to live in fear of the unforeseen ‘what ifs’. What if I lose my job? What if there is a hurricane and the government doesn’t bail me out? What if there is an epidemic and we don’t have a vaccine? Our sense of security is stripped away not by the fact that disaster might befall us—but, by the fact that someone else is in control of our destiny if it does.

By saturating us with a constant influx of bad news and impending disasters, and by encouraging a victim mentality, the media has stripped us of the self-sufficiency that is our reassurance in difficult times. The result of that is fearfulness and uncertainty.

I rarely watch the news. I like to assume that the world is a better place than they would have us believe. If I see someone hurting, I try and help. If I could end wars and world hunger, I would do it in a heartbeat. The hard and sad truth is that, usually the things that change people’s lives rarely make the news—whether that’s here in Michigan or in some remote village in Africa. Their celebrations and tragedies are for the most part confined to their little corner of the world and they learn to make the best of it…it’s not pretty…it just is. We live and we die. It is how the world has always worked…even before CNN.

George and the Blue Phone.

2006-09-19T17:49:00.000-07:00

Scene: Whitehouse bedroom of George and Laura Bush. It is 2:00 a.m. and the Blue Phone rings.

Laura: Who is it?
George: It’s the blue phone.
Laura: Oh my God!
George: Yes.

George: Hey big guy…ya kinda woke me up.

God: How often do I call George?

George: right sir.

Laura: Tell him I said howdy.

George: Laura says…

God: {interrupting} Listen George, I’d love to chit-chat but I’ve got people yapping at me from all over the place—and this middle east thing—Oi, gevald!

George: I hear ya big guy…ya know just the other day…

God: George! Did you hear me say people are yapping at me. Listen up. I’ve decided to take time out for a little R&R-- comprende?

George: not really sir…

God: I’m tired George…I need a tan. I was going to put the pope in charge but he went and opened his big mouth about the Muslims and now I’m all distracted. I can’t concentrate on prayers, I can’t keep track of who's coming and who's going…

George: Gee sir…

God: That brings me back to why I called George. It’s come to my attention that the majority of the free world hates you.

George: hates a pretty strong word, don’t you think sir?

God: They hate you George. They swim in their hate…they eat it for breakfast and teach it to their children…which is exactly why I want you to take over while I’m gone.

George: I appreciate your forthright nature big guy…and I’m honored that you thought of me…but, seriously, I really have a lot on my plate right now.

God: I’m sorry that I gave you the impression that you have a choice in the matter George. The long and short of it is they blame you for everything anyway. It’s a good time for me to slip out.

George: You think so too? I thought I was just getting paranoid…

God: Let’s see George…the conflict in the middle east, gas prices, layoffs, Katrina…is it true you blew up the levees George?

George: Um…no sir… levee money was used for something else way before I got here…

God: sure George… although it does seem odd that that Nagin fellow slid under the radar of the publics wrath…but who needs Nagin when they have you?! I tell you George, they absolutely hate you! {chuckling} you know what they say…bad publicity is better than no publicity at all…

George: Thank you sir…I’ll keep that in mind.

God: So, where was I…oh yes…layoffs…

George: Actually, sir, the economy is in good shape…the stock market is about to set a record high…

God: yadda, yadda yadda George. What about 9/11? That was quite a pretty piece of publicity work—putting the blame on those poor Muslims—what is that funny name you made up?

George: Al Quaida, sir?

God: Al Quaida…Al Quaida... Why would you blow up all of those innocent people George?

George: I didn’t… blow…up…any…people! No offense sir, but, aren’t you supposed to be omniscient or something?

God: Yeah, yeah but with all of the commotion—Brad and Anjolina, that racial thing on Survivor and that lame-brained pope… I’ve gotten a little lazy and just started flipping on CNN.

George: So I take it you’ve been following Iraq?

God: Now there’s a hot potato isn’t it George?

George: a real doozy sir…ya know you aren’t making me feel better here big guy…

God: that’s the point dubbya…it ain’t going to get any better. It doesn’t matter what I do… hurricanes, pestilance, global warming--it’s all your fault George and to be honest--I’m all over that. I just don’t need the aggravation anymore. I’ve been around a really long time.

George: So when will you be leaving?

God: Well, I’ve got a huge pile of prayer requests—luckily that “Path to 9-11” show on ABC is over…I can get all those Clinton people off my back. Let’s see, I’ve got a father-son golf tournament with Jesus on Wednesday—and a couple of hurricanes swirling around out there in the Atlantic—but you can handle that…can’t ya boy?

George: Yes sir…feel free to pile it on.

God: You know George, when I nudged things in your direction after the last two elections…I had no idea just how well it would work out.

George: Yes, sir…don’t let me forget to thank you for that.

The root of our own destruction...

2006-09-12T18:26:00.000-07:00

On April 19, 1775, British troops killed 8 colonists and wounded 10 others in the battle of Lexington. The British continued on toward Concord and after a skirmish with about 150 Minutemen, they headed toward Boston. Following the battle of Concord, Patriot Minuteman raced ahead of the British army and hid behind trees, rocks, houses, barns and alongside roads. The British army made an easy target for patriot snipers as they marched in traditional formation wearing bright red uniforms.

The British were unwilling to adapt to this new kind of warfare because it was ‘ungentlemanly’ and as a result, the most well trained army in the world was defeated by a poorly financed, poorly trained, and poorly equipped group of farmers and tradesmen.

America has now fallen into a similar trap. We have underestimated the ferocity of our enemy and the depth of their hatred. We are marching in the formation of political correctness while our enemy is most-assuredly plotting something beyond even our 9-11 comprehension. Certainly, they will not go backward to a time when a simple bomb or hijacking would get their message across.

You can’t fight fair when you are fighting someone without limits or conscience. You can’t march in formation wearing bright red uniforms and not expect to be decimated. It is a new kind of enemy and we must wage a new kind of war. You can have policies hindered by political correctness or you can have policies that catch terrorists. You cannot have both.

On the eve of the fifth anniversary of 9-11, Osama bin Laden’s deputy Ayman al-Zawahiri issued a lengthy video statement calling on Muslims to step up their resistance to the United States and warning that "new events" are on the way. "Your leaders are hiding from you the true extent of the disaster," al-Zawahiri said in the video, which appeared on Islamist Web sites on Sunday. "And the days are pregnant and giving birth to new events, with Allah's permission and guidance."

Our enemy is united in their hatred of us but we are unfocused-- divided by our hatred of each other. It doesn’t matter whether you love Bush or hate him—expending all of this energy against a lame duck president is ludicrous. Al Quaida--who killed nearly 3,000 of our countrymen in cold blood, is still out there…planning and plotting and what are we doing—coming up with tricky bumper stickers in an effort to point the finger. No wonder they hate us—we are a nation of fighting, whining children with little resolve and even less backbone.

Terrorists have been quoted as saying that failure to act when The U.S.S. Cole was attacked emboldened them in the 9-11 attacks. You may hate George Bush and you may hate this war, but, he acted--and with the support of congress and the American people. If it makes you feel better to say that George Bush is evil...then go ahead...but, you know it isn't true. What is true and rarely publicized is that 5,000 terrorists have been captured around the world since 9-11. Perhaps one of those 5,000 terrorists was heading in your direction—picture it for a minute...your city, your subway car, the drinking fountain at your child’s school.

Jesus said, “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand”. There are those whose biggest hope is that Bush will fail; but, if Bush fails, America fails…we all fail and we all fall. We have a common enemy; they are well-financed, well-trained and well-equipped. It is too big a fight to stand as republicans and democrats but it is not--nor will it ever be-- bigger than a united America.

America will not fall to terrorists unless we allow it to happen by virtue of division and complacency. In that case, we don’t need Al Quaida, we will be our own worst enemy. America came into being because the greatest army in the world could not imagine being out maneuvered by a group of undisciplined guerrillas hiding behind trees. How ironic if that kind of thinking was the root of our own destruction.

MAKE LOVE NOT WAR?

2006-08-03T08:33:00.000-07:00

Note: I've transferred this from an old post on my other blog in response to the situation in the middle east. It isn't about the conflict per se, it stems from 9/11 and a countries right and responsibility to defend itself against those who seek to destroy it.

Make love not war.

Give Peace a chance.

Drop daisies… not bombs.

On Tuesday, September 11, 2001, America woke up like they did every other day. Coffee brewed, children pounded on the bathroom door, and dinner plans were finalized. Horns blared in Manhattan, buses made their appointed rounds in Cleveland and around the country planes waited on runways for clearance.

On Tuesday, September 11, 2001, Osama bin Laden was already awake. With no intention of dropping daisies, he was about to give America a wake up call that they would never forget.

In the streets of Manhattan, you couldn’t see the streets of Manhattan. But you could hear the weeping and the wailing.

In the streets of Iraq, the people danced and celebrated.

And in LA Michael Moore was shoving his face full of chicken wings.

"These acts shattered steel but they cannot shatter the steel of American resolve" (G.Bush)

What resolve?

In a New York minute we have forgotten.

The War on Terror is currently going on around the globe. The United States and her Allies have captured over 3,000 al Quaida operatives in 102 countries.

Jeepers, Beaver, can’t we just give peace a chance?

Bernard Brown, Asia Cottom and Rodeny Dickens, three sixth graders from Washington DC, took American Airlines Flight 77 from Washington’s Dulles Airport on their way to California on a National Geographic-sponsored education trip to learn about the Channel Islands near Santa Barbara. Imagine what went through their minds as they looked out the window while their hijacked jetliner flew into the west side of the Pentagon.

More Candy… less war.

What will you do when they come for you? Perhaps if the people in the twin towers would have held up their fingers in a peace sign... planes would have stopped mid-air and the towers would be standing today. Even a three year old understands the nature of idle threats and a slap on the wrist. It is their greatest tool to getting what they want.

Peace through strength. --Ronald Reagan

Why does America have to be number one? Go ask the parents of the children killed in the school Russia, ask a woman in Afghanastan who could have been put to death for showing her face in public or someone whose family is laying in the bottom of a communal grave because Sadam Hussein was growing a little bored. Go ask Israel.

Go. Brew your coffee, get in the carpool line and thaw out your hamburger for dinner.

Drop daisies? What the Hell is wrong with you America?

Main Blog...

2005-03-27T21:20:00.000-08:00

No time to keep this one up. Please visit my main site at: http://lorischuster.tblog.com
Lessons Learned along the Scenic Route Thru Purgatory.

Let it go... let it go... let it go.

2004-12-16T08:46:00.000-08:00

In 1947, Gertrude Spangler, was caught hiding in the broom closet with a flashlight and her sister Agnes’ secret Pfeffernuse cookie recipe. They did not speak again until 1990 when Agnes cried out Gertrude’s name while undergoing bunion surgery.

Cynthia Shepherd, 46, left her house on the night of January 27, 1974, dressed in a black leather mini skirt, a red tube top, and stiletto heels. Her father told her that she looked like a hooker. After 17 years of counseling she is now able to speak to her father through the checkout girl at Piggly Wiggly.

Two months ago, Fred Carson had a momentary lapse of sanity which resulted in a bottle of beer being dumped on his crotch after he openly admired Demi Moore’s "lucious breasts" while watching a movie with Mary Ellen, his wife of 26 years. There will be no breast action for Fred any time soon.

We are such serious people, we American’s. So easily hurt and offended by things of such little consequence.

I was listening to a radio show once and a woman called in all indignant that her husband was leaving for a golf weekend with his buddies. She was crying… "he does this ALL of the time and it just isn’t fair". The host asked her, "when was the last time he went on one of these outings?" and the woman, still sobbing, manages to spit out, "he went just last year". It’s a good thing that this woman was not within the range of my backhand.

Nothing… absolutely nothing…exasperates me more than whining, complaining, bitter people who seek a crisis and hold a grudge in order to be interesting to those around them. We are a nation of Drama Queens.

Shortly after the election, a Reuter’s article by Andrea Orr lamented how voters in San Francisco seemed a little more serious about leaving the country this year and are canceling plans to travel to neighboring "red states" that supported Bush. "I have family in Idaho, but I told my wife we're not going to visit them now. It's all Republicans there," said Ron Schmidt, a public relations executive. "We have family in Indiana and I don't want to go there either." Ah, San Francisco… the pinnacle of tolerance...and might I add, bitchin’ PR executives. Hey Ron, from all of us in Indiana, I would like to say… for the love of God, man… stay home and send out a Press Release offering a reward for the recovery of your pea-sized brain.

If Ron had the gift of seeing past today and around the corner to each of his tomorrows...do you think that he would waste even one second of time worrying about driving through a "red state"?

How about this story from Boca Raton... The Florida-based American Health Association has released symptoms of what it calls "post-election selection trauma," or PEST, which include: feelings of withdrawal, feelings of isolation, emotional anger and bitterness, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, nightmares, pervasive moodiness including endless sulking, and being excessively worried about the direction of the country.

"Post-election selection trauma affects many people and they have a right to be taken seriously and to seek counseling," psychotherapist Rob Gordon of the AHA told the Boca Raton News. "This is a real need and we're a charity. This is not a matter of Republicans and Democrats. "Some 30 people have reportedly contacted Gordon's group for counseling since Kerry conceded the race to Bush Nov. 3, and more than a dozen others in Palm Beach County have undergone intense hypnotherapy by trauma specialist Douglas Schooler.

Most of the people being treated are senior citizens and while my heart goes out to them I would just like to say… PEOPLE! You are standing on death’s door and you are seeing a therapist over an election? Don’t you have a list of ten things you want to do before you die that you should start working on? Go stand at the top of the Grand Canyon, yell "George Bush is an asshole", listen to the echo and then laugh like crazy… but for heaven’s sake… get your wrinkled butt up off of the couch and move on.

Stand in line Drama Queens…you have a lot of competition.

I know, I know… your issues are real. You co-worker keeps taking your post-its, your wife cuts up your steak for you, your husband pees in the shower, your mother posted a picture of you giving birth on the internet, your brother borrowed $100 and then had the nerve to show up in a new sweater, and Aunt Milly always smells of tuna.

It’s not about getting irritated. Irritation is the glue that holds families and our nation together...do you think that diversity comes without a price?

It’s when irritation turns to anger and anger turns to pride and you just can’t seem to let go of it. It’s verbalizing every single thing that makes you slightly uncomfortable. It’s drowning in pride and forgetting to laugh at yourself. Before you know it, you have missed every family get-together for the past five years because one Christmas six years ago you walked out of the bathroom with a corner of your skirt tucked into your underwear causing your brother-in-law, Phil to yell, "Hey, Blue Panty Auntie". And to add insult to injury, your sister laughed, and because of this you have cancelled their lifetime membership to the "Jelly of the Month Club" and did not ask her to be a bridesmaid at your wedding… opting instead to ask June, who you met while she was working at the Estee Lauder counter at Marshall Fields when you were undergoing a battle with combination skin. Blood is apparently not thicker than Estee Lauder Future Perfect Revitalizing cream.

Deck the Halls with fault and folly.

In Des Moines, Iowa, the Lawson family will gather on Christmas Eve armed with gifts, Wild Turkey and scorecards. They started utilizing the scorecards twelve years ago to keep track of who is not speaking to whom. This is the result of a conflict dating back to 1958 when Aunt Pauline, already 40 pounds overweight, ate the last slice of fruitcake which meant that poor Uncle Henry (recovering from a ‘procedure’) got stuck eating the mincemeat pie—AND everyone knows that Uncle Henry is allergic to raisins. So, those whose family affiliation lie with Aunt Pauline meet in the living room while the Uncle Henry faction gather in the basement. Fruitcake is no longer served.

If you are offended by my Christmas tree, if you are sleeping on the couch alone again, or if you are going through life with a scorecard… here is my message to you:
Life is short, baby, and people are precious. It is much to short to let anything that I do affect your life.

Hey Aunt Pauline and Uncle Henry, we are both a day older today. How ‘bout we meet together in the dining room this year? I’ll bring the fruitcake…

The weather outside is frightful
But the season is delightful
And since we’ve no barbs to throw…
"Let it go, let it go, let it go".

The tattered stable...

2004-11-22T10:47:00.000-08:00

I worship carrots.

Away in the manger
No crib for a bed
The exhausted Lord Jesus
Laid down his tired head
and pounded it on the table
Again and again and again.

Oh Winter Tree Oh Winter Tree
How lovely are your barren branches
The Nativity is empty
Save for the snowplow parked underneath
The tattered gable
where an Angel once stood watch

Shut your eyes, children
Shield your ears
The courthouse lawn is strewn with religiosity
Now go and watch your MTV

And a mile up the road
Three well-dressed kings of Orient are
Hitching a ride in a gas guzzling car
They’ve lost their way… misplaced their star
Along the coastal highway
There is no room in the PC ring
For people who worship a small infant King
But the credit cards are flying
Pulled by eight tiny non-denominational reindeer
And Madison Avenue is praising Jesus

We wish you a Merry something

So, have yourself a Silent Night
The choirs have given up the fight
The instruments nestled all snug in their bed
While Jesus is nursing His tired aching head
And Peace on Earth is in the Court
The First Noel a brainless tort

We the people of the United States of America
Have lost our collective minds
And somehow allowed
A fringe minority of frightened, rude
And ignorant loudmouths
To change the rules
And manipulate the game
And now the bullies are running the show
And we are just plain running
So help me ACLU.

Joy to the World
Unless it can be helped.
The ones who never learned
To play well with others
The ones who took the ball home
so no one could enjoy the game
they looked out the window
and smiled at the snowplow
parked under the gable
of the empty stable.

Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.